He is learning things at a rate I cannot comprehend. The brain of an animal is phenomenal. He has learned to locate the grocery basket, my grocery items by word (only the most common ones of course) and when I say time to pay…he finds a check out. We can be downtown, leaving Walmart or Costco and he has been able to locate my daughter's or my husbands vehicle. It becomes mind blowing. If we have been to a location once he can remember the aspects of it. In strange locations he finds most things I could ask for.

I have begun taking him outside of my home gym to a different location to do machine work. It is such a smooth process, he tucks himself in beside where I am working then guides me to the next area. I no longer am scared of tripping or running into someone. I have learned that not everyone likes having a dog in a public area, whether it be a gym, a hotel or a restaurant. But that's OK, acceptance is not what I need, its safety. Education will bring the acceptance and still some people will never like dogs and that's fine too.

Having a safe workout, in a location other than my home, by myself, is a win. I even somehow survived West Edmonton Mall. I would rather never do that again, but we made it. I never ran into a single person thanks to him but the sounds and the zooming movement is a lot for me. He is very sensitive as well, I have some vertigo/exreme lack of perception, which can make me feel "sideways" and tense. Objects appear closer than they actually are or I feel tippy. My dog will stay very close and into my legs until I begin to relax. Ridiing in the car, it's easier most days to shut my eyes and he will scoot until his head rests on my knee when he knows the movement makes me sick. When it comes time for me in the kitchen, he curls up in the corner so I can do my thing. Now that I have some more freedom in my world maybe I will be back to creating.

"Sometimes we have to lose something precious to gain something priceless."

Through injury, recovery, increased vision loss and a few stumbling blocks, it would be easy in a sense to walk away. I decided on a new approach, to take it back. Even if I cannot have what I had before, it's about taking back inner power. That was hard to figure out in the beginning since that's the flame that likes to die out first.

I made what seemed at the time to be a very hard decision to get a seeing eye dog. At first it seemed like I was giving up, having to rely on something else. That is not the case, this was the first step in taking back my power, my freedom. Not only have I gained a brilliant companion but I didn't realize how slowed down I have been, and afraid, especially this past year. With the addition of my fabulous black lab, I have a whole new aspect on life. He locates objects, steers me safe in public, watches for traffic in all kinds of situations, and keeps me from tripping over things.

We have also been able to pattern him: he finds the walk light buttons, our post office box at the mail and knows my regular destinations by heart. The surprising thing is the location of things that apply to my life: find the bench press or object in the gym, find (insert family member name). I now have more courage and independence. I took back part of me when I gained a canine companion, a part of me I missed.

The other part I am working on taking back is also internal strength. I have always enjoyed a challenge but to feel strong after you feel like things have disappeared is definitely a plus. My world around me has become a bit scarier. I can definitely handle it but I needed to find what makes me feel strong. Powerlifting helps that and I love it but I needed to add something that was just for joy and feed my soul. I started training with the strongman implements: tires, stones, hammers, deadlift platforms, and trucks. Not just normal trucks, we even pulled a semi!

For me that takes back an inner strength like no other. You feel as if you can accomplish a little bit of the unreachable and regain your "brave". Not being able to see can sometimes destroy that, so you can let it slip or take it back. I choose take it back. These events are fun for me and they help with powerlifting as cross training.

My dog goes everywhere with me. So you can find us in the gym or he is with everyone right next to the tire flips and stone picks. Nothing phases him, as if he was born specifically for my lifestyle. I catch him snoozing occasionally in the squat rack or curled up on a 45lb plate. I am grateful for the things that help me take back the parts of me that began to blur. Instead of admitting defeat by applying for a dog, I gained strength and independence. By training in a new form I regained the innermost part of me that needed building up. We can all choose to let it go, or find a way to take it back, sometimes that comes in unusual but fabulous forms.

The letting go comes with not trying to see so hard, or hanging on to what is disappearing. My husband puts it as, not trying so hard to be sighted, but excelling at who I am. Fight for who I am. Pulling back from what I was.

I dropped a weight set while trying to see the clips instead of feel them or hear the sound of racking the bar. My central is becoming more affected but I used to be able to see the clips sometimes in my peripheral. I need to learn that it is ok to have a spotter, and to rely on my senses other than vision. There are many examples in my life where I need to learn its ok to ask for a little help. At times it's ok to do the things I can do, and do them damn well. I fight using my cane. I think it's because a part of me is giving in, only I am not sure to what. Maybe acceptance.

I am slowly learning when to push and when to pull. I think I will get a few brasses along the way, but I didn't become a lifter overnight. Even with that, I am still learning and growing each day.

Meat is frustrating for me, especially bacon and beef. I used to be able to cook it without help, but suddenly I need a bit of help ensuring its not burnt. I've been feeling dizzy as things disappear or suddenly zoom in front of me. We have turned it into a game with my kids just to make light of it for my sake. I have always been ok with my disability but I think I was holding on. It's time for a little acceptance of what I cannot change. Every athlete evolves. This just may be a different way of doing it. I suppose I am like the 3 lifts; learning the motions and above all figuring out how to not drop the bar. We are all so much more than a set of eyes.

I have been out walking a lot lately as we finally have some nice weather. I was thinking a bike ride would be nice. A run would be nice. I mentioned this to my kids. These were things I used to be able to do unassisted; running, biking, rollerblading, and more. For a moment they felt sad. I let them know those were my has-been moments. The things I am now, I wasn't then. I am now strong, stronger than I was. I am wiser, and I think I am braver. Twenty years ago I may not have had aches in my knees when it rains, but there was no way I could have lifted 200 pounds, or even my bodyweight.

I look at people I have met along my path in their 70s and older that are stronger than I am, by far. I have chose to be strong. I continue to choose that path. The has-beens may be a little sad, but there are other ways to bike or to run. Would I give it up for being a strong woman? Never. As my sight deteriorates, I may lose the ability to do a few other things, but I will gain new paths. I adapt with my lifting and I will adapt with my life.

There are so many has-beens, but there is way more will-bes. There was a time I kicked a soccer ball, there will be a time I deadlifted 300. There was also a time my hair wasn't gray.

A friend mentioned getting older sucks. Everything hurts. It's true. I didn't feel pain at 16. Being less active would hurt way more, so I choose to stay strong. My daughter fears getting older, but I aim to show her that there is so much to look forward to each day. The will-bes are so great. Let go of the old, and embrace all that is new.

I cannot imagine being an athlete without my children to shape who I am. They challenge aspects of my training; patience, being able to adapt on the fly, and looking deep into why I train. My oldest daughter wrote an English piece on courage, it brought tears to my eyes because I did not realize she saw me that way. Taking a step back when my girls need me helps me as well. If my youngest needed movies, cookies and bed, so be it. I changed locations of a competition to be "mom" first and still be an athlete. The weight that lifted off my shoulders will make me a better lifter and a better mom.

Having teenagers is more difficult than the heaviest weight you will ever lift. It's something you cannot prepare or train for. But like each training cycle, I grow from everything they share with me, every struggle we get through. I believe I am better because of them.

Dance through your storms, and sometimes you have to eat cookies like a child before you power through again. I will compete in June with a strong body, a happy heart and my family at my side. The great thing about this is I will be on home turf where I first competed. Nothing like inner joy! Funny how sometimes it has to be brought to your attention.

Cheers to kids and cookies

Cranberry Dark Chocolate Cookies

1/2 c softened butter

3/4 c coconut (softened with a bit of honey) or brown sugar

2 heaping tbsp applesauce

1tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 extra large egg

1 cup dark chocolate chips

1 cup dried cranberries

3/4 cup chopped pecans or walnuts

2.25 c gluten-free flour blend

Cream wet ingredients. Add mix ins. Add flour mixture drop by spoons on to parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake at 350 They will look a little soft in center. Let cool remove from pan, careful as gluten-free cookies are a bit fragile. Freeze well.

I was able to do the water cut and make weight with no issues. My body weight this last while is finally starting to cooperate post op. I felt fairly calm going in to competition, which was a bit strange considering it had been a while. There was a small amount of nerves, but nothing over the top. This was about me standing back up.

Before I left, I had someone tell me I do not try hard enough. Well this is one of the things I do, for me. Four months after surgery I needed to get back up. Everything I do in life involves my whole heart. My family, my work, and if you watched my squat and deadlifts, you can tell I pour it into my lifting.

Squat opener was good, second squat was tough. I didn't quite make it. I readjusted the position of the bar. Third squat I refused to fail. I pushed through it and made the squat. It took all I had at that moment, but I was only 0.5 kg of my IBSA record. This was good!!! The surgeon had told me that it can take 6 months to 2 years to feel normal and get rid of the fatigue. For an athlete 6 months, I'm almost there! I am holding on to that 6 months mark because I want my recovery time back. But to be able to get out there was amazing. To have most of my strength, even more amazing.

Bench went well for the first 2 attempts missed my 3rd after the table missed me, but this left me exactly as strong as before. Heading into deads, the nerves kicked in a bit. Deadlifts is where things may get tough due to any weakness in the core. My first 2 attempts were successful, no pain. My 3rd attempt, a weight that I have never lifted is put in. This would have given me 2 personal bests. I almost make it. So close, that next time I know the strength will be there. After this lift, my legs were done and my body was done. I am looking forward to that recovery being there next time. But I was able to get out there and say I stood up when so many said after major surgery you will not lift. I lifted, and I will continue to lift.

For me to stand on my own two feet, just for me, is the best feeling in the world. This is recovery. This is coming back. 'Can't' was never an option here. When I went in for surgery my husband said nationals might not be a possibility, I told him to let me believe. So he did and with a great support team and a heck of a lot of determination we made it happen.

I came home to recover. I also knew I faced more vision tests. The results were not good, but you live the hand you are dealt. I will not let it hinder my life or my lifting. Back to adapting. This will always be for me and standing my own ground. It is time to tweak what needs tweaking, fix anything evident and move on. A bit more lower ab training perhaps some more nutrition work in the next while.

I am blessed to be back and very excited to see what will come in July as I continue to get stronger, registration has been submitted for North Americans. Training begins Monday. I have learned above all, I am a fighter. I fight for me, to stand my ground and on my own feet. Change or no change, whatever obstacles have come in my path you cannot let things or people push you down. You got to stand back up.

I am still healing post op but doing very well strength-wise. Finding what works for recovery after my heavy lifts is also key during this time. Hot yin and naps if I need them. Hot yin yoga helps stretch any stiff scar tissue and mellows out the mind, as much as I may hate it at the time (I now know how my yoga students feel when I instruct!) It has been a vital tool for me. I also fought the catnap, but not worth the fight if 10 minutes makes me feel like a new woman, and I have such a short time until Nationals. I will nap. My husband asked me "Why fight a nap?" I will take his advice.

Small adjustments to my diet and walking more are all things I have found useful. Minor changes in the scheme of things make me a happy and healthy lifter. The body sometimes tells you what it needs. This still enables me to be a good wife and mother. I am so happy for the opportunity to be lifting, and lifting 4 months after major surgery. I feel strong and happy. Bring on Nationals. Until then, I will keep tuning in to those small tweaks my body needs to keep it happy and optimal. Bring on the yin, the naps and the avocados!

This is the same way I feel about my weights. I train alone the majority of the time, therefore touch and spatial awareness being a huge thing for me. If my weights are moved, sometimes I have a hard time finding them. I am learning more and more that I am a bit particular, not a neat freak, but a creature of habit. For me, using my senses is great for training but as we get close to competition (I am currently 5 weeks out), I have to allow that space to change. There are people all around; spotters and loaders and spectators. This is what changes the dynamic for me, especially a spotter, a stranger. The weights are different, the bar is different, smells and sounds are different. I need to prep myself for these elements as well. Allowing my family into my "other space", my weight room, and to spot and get in my field of vision or just where I am spatially aware is a start. I have even had to get my hubby to really get in my way so that I can depersonalize my space a bit and retrain some of that awareness. Training away from my weight room and home also helps prepare me. Different lighting... different feel.

I don't think I am ready to have people in my face in the kitchen or cook away from home just to try and become more comfortable. I have just been able to realize how personal these acts are to me by having to tap into my other senses. Training was very hard to get used to the element of other people. I am glad for it, and now I enjoy it. I do think my kitchen will always be my kitchen for the most part. Don't move my weights don't move my spoons....my kinda metal.

Each day in training so far has been like Christmas, a bit of a gift. Making lifts that I haven't been able to complete for a while. My body is readjusting and having to relearn a few things, but having the supports around me to keep me going has been key. Mobility, yoga and core development has also been ramped up to support the changes.

In life and in training we push ourselves and its wonderful to know that there are such supports to help us reach our goals and keep us mobile and aligned. I have tried a few things that have worked for me from acupuncture to fire cupping and the joy of ice baths (my least favorite thing).

Finding a therapist that understands your sport and activity is key. Everyone I work with also understands that they have to be vocal with me instead of showing me things and that helps immensely. They may not have worked with a lot of athletes with vision loss, but they sure have been fantastic.

When I began my program, I won't lie, I had a few doubts as to what I could do. My coach knew me better than I knew myself and for this, I am so grateful. She was also willing to adapt on the fly. Every set I have been able to do, building my confidence, another way of keeping me moving, onwards and upwards.

I have a great system surrounding me. I am very thankful for each person that keeps me going. I strongly recommend adding to your training toolbox, good therapists and professionals that help get you to your goal. I find within my job people have additional coverage that they don't use, treat your body well so it continues to treat you well. Keep movin'.

I know I am better at identifying the difference between muscle soreness and warning pain. I am getting stronger so overcoming the fear of failure and seeing the end result of a successful lift and using positive intention. If my mind isn't in that lift, the mechanics also fail to be. I envisioned the body mechanics even the night before then I found when I did approach the bar, there was nothing but calm. When the weight climbed, a bit of fear tried to sneak back in, but I simply spoke to the lifter in me…Did anything hurt? No. You know what to do? Good then line up and do it. And I did, and it felt great.

I will probably be using more of this as I continue to progress in my training for nationals. At one point I looked at my numbers and thought, "that's not where you were." I changed that mindset. I am only 8 weeks post op. I took a good look again "That's not where you were!" I went from dumbbells to stacking plates on the bar, lifting over body weight, then more. You can spin the negative, or really see the positive. I will only see the growth and the positive. With that, more will come. We all respond to positive energy and feedback, so why not reward yourself with it as an individual, an athlete and a person.

I came into a situation while out in town the other day, a man was in my blind spot and not seeing him, I didn't move out of his way. Instead of asking me to move or excusing himself, he pushed me. Behavior like this in the past has been very upsetting to me, but instead I choose to use this as a lesson and as new drive. I hope this lesson shows my children to always show compassion and kindness and to never assume another's circumstance. This also gives me extra drive to work towards my goal of competing as a visually impaired athlete at Worlds and an athlete in sighted competitions. Just because an individual has a disability that you cannot see, does not make them any less. I am going to develop my own strength, for me and take a lesson from an experience, tie it into my mental training and use it as some focus.

It's not always easy to dig your heels into mental training, but the results are worth it. You can't always control situations, but how you react is all up to you.